A Jolly Good Dime -- reprinted

No blog for a month? Blame the IRS. And then my husband wanted me to go camping with him. I'm not sure which is worse--poring over accounts that refuse to balance or sleeping in a tent.

Back to work, but this weekend I spent unproductive writing time on the Internet's rabbit trails. I landed in plenty of interesting places, but none that added much to my article's subject. So I'm cheating. The following, published in 1978, by a person named Pat Edwards (I'd love to know which one) deserves an audience.

Title: A JOLLY GOOD DIME
Author: Pat Edwards
Publication: Women's Circle: Home Cooking--The National Women's Home Cooking Club
Volume 6, March 1978
(c) 1978 by Tower Press

A Jolly Good Dime

[To] Jolly Green Bean Company

Lesser, Minnesota 54836

Gentlemen: 

Last night I found a dime in a package of your frozen green beans. I feel it is my duty as a consumer to inform you of a flaw in your quality control system.

Yours very truly,
Mrs. Sam (Sally) Adams

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[to] Mrs. Sam Adams
14 Gunero Circle
Lafayette, CA 94528

Dear Mrs. Adams:

As the general manager of the Jolly Green Bean Company, I want you to know that we are truly story for any inconvenience caused by the dime in the beans. To thank you for calling this problem to our attention, I'm sending you by refrigerated truck two cases of our famous Jolly Green Frozen Beans.

Jolly yours,
Alan G. Hitchcock, Mgr.

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[to] Mr. Allen G Hitchcock, Manager
Jolly Green Bean Company
Lesser, MN 54836

Dear Mr. Hitchcock,

Thank you for the two cases of Jolly Green Beans. Unfortunately the 48 boxes of frozen beans wouldn't fit into our small refrigerator freezer section, so the Alberts next door are keeping 12 boxes, the Mortons up the street have 6, the Hines across the street graciously took 8, the Lanes in the next subdivision accepted 9 and we crammed the rest into ours. I only wish my family really liked green beans!

Since no one actually swallowed the dime, no harm was done. My husband suggests perhaps your employees were tossing coins to see who could get one in the box. Just a little joke there.

Yours truly,
Mrs. Sally Adams

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[to] Mrs. Sally Adams
14 Gunero Circle
Lafayette, CA 94528

Dear Mrs. Adams:

I am enclosing a copy of our new recipe book, "Jolly Good Bean Recipes", which I feel you need. Our company doctor, Bernard Fitch, has assured me that had someone actually swallowed the dime it would most assuredly have gone through the digestive system. Now if it had been a half-dollar…. But that is another problem. I am also enclosing a copy of our plant rules for your husband. He will please note that it strictly prohibits gambling of any kind.

I believe that takes care of everything. It has been most interesting corresponding with you.

Jolly yours,
Alan Hitchcock

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[to]Mr. Allen G Hitchcock
Jolly Green Bean Company
Lesser, MN 54836

Dear Mr. Hitchcock,

All's well that ends well as my aunt Gertrude used to say. I thought you'd want to know that our church, St. Paul's, is having a ham dinner to raise money for the new swell for the organ and I contributed all the frozen beans. The "Jolly Good Bean Recipes" cookbook says they go well with ham. Do you think I should tell them about the dime?

Yours,
Sally Adams

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Mrs. Sally Adams
14 Gunero Cir.,
Lafayette, CA 94528

Dear Mrs. Adams,

I am enclosing a check for $50 for your swell organ at St. Paul's. I do not believe it is necessary to relate the dime incident to the congregation.

Jolly well,
Al Hitchcock

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Mr. Al Hitchcock
Jolly Green Bean Company
Lesser, MN 54836

My dear Mr. Hitchcock,

God bless you. And God bless my son John, who took a look at that dime I didn't swallow and says it's a genuine 1908 Denver minted-Lincoln worth $1,500. We're on our way to a jolly vacation in Hawaii and this is the last time you'll jolly well hear from me.

Aloha,
Sally Adams

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