They’re coming over on
Saturday, and I never know until they arrive which cat Auntie (my human aunt
and my mother’s friend) is bringing with her. Actually, Auntie has only one cat—a
tabby, that Mom calls “Sweet Snookie,” but sometimes Snook is anything but
sweet.
Lots of times I’d poo on her
face, if I could sit on her and get it out at the same time. Oh, there’s also
the detail of catching her first. When acting real hateful, Snook checks the area
for escape routes before she throws a final zinger at me.
We first met before I got
adopted. She was staying with Mom and Dad while Auntie traveled. Poking around
on the porch, I saw her on the other side of the screen door. I called her
Gorgeous, and told her my name was Phantom. A month later, when Auntie and Snook came over, she learned I got adopted. She was all ticked cuz I was inside the
house, and it was my house now.
She
was hissing big strange words at me until she learned Mom named me KittyCat. Then Snook
jiggled so hard with laughter, she puked.
When recovered, she followed
me to under the dining room table and pretended to introduce me to someone.
“May I introduce KittyCat,” Snobby Snook said all uppity, “so named to help identify
this matted lump of mottled fur as feline, and not an invading alien.” She said
more ugly stuff about me and then bragged about how she was pedigreed. “We
tabbies are chosen to model in hundreds of advertisements. Of course I’m too
dignified to prance before cameras. Gracious! The mere thought of hawking
self-cleaning cat toilets in exchange for a few kibbles makes me shudder.”
Listening to her hoity-toity
act, I almost puked.
Miss Queenie kept on
yakking. “KittyCat, on the other paw, would trade his soul for a meal, if he
couldn’t steal it first. In fact, he--”
She was still at it when Mom
let me out. I didn’t know what a “disreputable boot-licking free-loader” was, but
Snook was pushing my buttons, so I went to the door.
Saturday, if Miss Hateful
starts in on me, I’ll tell her to go talk to a chair leg.
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